Why hello there October! It's and the first day of the month and it's my birth month.
I'm a little giddy at first since this month for me has always been special for so long that I can remember but I'm rather downcast since my dad is going back abroad for work after a month of vacation. Yep, I decided to stay up late while typing this and waiting for the alarm to buzz off while he snores sleeping as we'll be sending him off to the airport in a few hours (Yup! Bags were packed already) but maybe it's just now that the feeling starts to sink in.
If truth be told, I'm torn with today after three years of being away from our home as I decided to be on hiatus from writing as I had a real job away from home which may merit a different entry from this but in the general sense October for me is special. Why?
First, it's my birth month so that's a +1 to my existence there and speaking of which, it seems that almost every branch of the family has birthday in October! Like my cousins, my grandparents, myself, my mom's, aunts and uncles! I dunno, it just so happen that every week we have a birthday celebration to say the least.
Second, it's the kick off for MassKara! Like I've said, I've been away from home and our hometown for three years so I've missed three full years of that. I should be happy to enjoy it again but part of me feels disjoint. Part of my mind and heart tells me to be happy but with what I've been through with my previous years away from home I think I've changed. I feel like I'm caught between worlds. I feel like life has altered me, as it alters everyone else. I know the business of life is the acquisition of memories and what would it mean if you don't allow it to change you but I don't know. It feels like I'm sailing into an ocean of angstiness.